friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
