uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
