you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
