Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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