he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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