I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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