Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
