we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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