Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
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Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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