You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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