i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
