screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
