why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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