Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize