i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
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Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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