It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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