This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
