since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
