My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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