After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
