2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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