One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
