Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
