I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
