My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
