I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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