I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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