I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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