what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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