marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
