just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
