I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
