Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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