just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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