I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
