I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
