You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This show inspires me to have sex in space
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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