i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
