i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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