It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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