I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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