So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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