Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
