after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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