Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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