Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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