if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
