do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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