I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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