Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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