You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
