rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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