I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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