Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
