When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I smell stomach acid.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
