lets start a swedish sibling band together
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
