I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
