"it" just moved
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
