Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
