We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
