I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
