I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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