Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
