break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Two words: blizzard sex
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
