why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
