Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
