fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
