So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
