Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
