you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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