My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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